Watchmen Movie: Don’t waste your valuable time or money
The much-hyped Watchmen debuted a week ago. I finally saw it last night and it was easily one of the worst movies I have EVER seen.
Everyone knows big budget production Speed Racer bombed last year. Well, Speed Racer is WAY better than Watchmen, and I didn’t even like Speed Racer. When a movie makes me wish it was as good as Speed Racer you know it is bad!
I very deeply regret that those three hours (plus travel time back and forth to the theater) are gone from my life forever and can never be reclaimed. I hate to waste even more of my short time on Earth writing this post, but if I can save just one person from wasting their time on this disaster of epic proportions, it will have been worth it.
I enjoyed the graphic novel and have read it several times since I graduated college. The trailer had me stoked and I thought the movie showed great promise, as did many others given how sales of the graphic novel have skyrocketed since the trailer debuted with The Dark Knight last year. Alas, Watchmen is no The Dark Knight. If you are in the mood to go spend three hours at the movies I think sitting through Hannah Montana twice would be less painful. I am hardly alone in this sentiment. As reviewer Patrick Daugherty put it, Watchmen is “unforgivingly terrible” and “a hot, steaming pile of garbage.” Without venturing into profanity, I can’t put it any better than that.
What made Watchmen so horrible?
- It was too different from the book
- It was too much like the book
- Too much was taken out, material that gave the novel its remarkable complexity and depth
- The acting was, for the most part, horrible and wooden
It was too different from the book
The ending was changed drastically, which cast two heroes in an entirely different light. This alone makes it impossible for me to consider it a film adaption of the Watchmen graphic novel. It’s more like a film BASED on characters found in the Watchmen graphic novel.
It was too much like the book
Much of the dialogue is taken verbatim from the graphic novel, as were many of the images. It’s hyper annoying when you know a character onscreen is going to say, “the world’s smartest man means no more to me than does its smartest termite” just before he says “the world’s smartest man means no more to me than does its smartest termite.” When it happens time after time after time it REALLY gets old.
Too much was taken out, material that gave the novel its remarkable complexity and depth
Seminal backstory regarding the two groups of superheroes was changed as well, and “Watchmen” became the name of a superhero team, which is completely different from the book as well. Rorshach’s intriguing genesis as a hero and the way he got his “face” was completely ignored, as were a multitude of other details and storyline.
The acting was, for the most part, horrible and wooden
With few exceptions, I have seen better acting in a high school play. MUCH better acting. I blame this on the script and the forced dialogue, not the actors.
What DID I like?
- The credits. The credits at the beginning had an interesting montage of images regarding the (missing) backstory, and the credits at the end were a relief because it meant the movie was over.
Warner Bros.’ fine Harry Potter films have shown how well complex, imaginative books can be adapted to film, though you will never satisfy all of the fans all of the time. Watchmen is an example of how poorly it can be done. If you are a fan and HAVE to see it just because you want to see the eye candy or decide for yourself if it is good or bad, I suggest you wait until it is available for rent and play in the background on your computer so you can work, surf the web or answer emails simultaneously. This is a movie that does not demand your full attention. It demands multitasking.
The theater was almost empty last night, perhaps only 15 people in attendance at the showing. Hopefully that means word is getting out.
